Saurabh Raj

A couple about to celebrate there golden wedding anniversary:

Wife: love,lets kill the pig next week!
Husband: hah! Why punish the pig for what happened 50 yrs ago?

Brian came into his wife’s room one day. “If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?” he asked her.

“Darling, I’ll always love you,” she said calmly, filing her nails.

“How about if I became crippled and couldn’t make love to you any more?” Brian asked nervously.

“Don’t worry, darling, I’ll always love you,” she told him, buffing her nails.

“Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?” Brian went on, “if I weren’t pulling in six figures any more. Would you still love me then?”

The wife looked over at her husband’s worried face. “Frank, I’ll always love you,” she reassured him, “but most of all, I’ll really miss you.”

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday.

“I’d like to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!

Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling, and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars Epic, a hot dog, a popcorn, Pepsi and M&M’s.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and loving asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

One eye opened, “You idiot, when I said six, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of the story: Even when man is listening, he’s still gonna get it wrong.

A Priest and a bus driver, who were close friends, lived and died on the same day (The bus had an accident).

They both go to heaven and see St. Peter standing before heaven’s gate.

St. Peter, tells the angels, awaiting, to escort the bus driver to the highest heaven, but the priest has to wait.

The priest waits for a long time and finally getting impatient goes to St. Peter and asks, “Why could that bus driver go to the highest heaven, even though he’s the cause of my and his death, and I, who all my life have been a humble servant of God and have been preaching His teachings all my life, have to wait for such a long time?”

St. Peter replies, “When you were speaking about God to the people at your church everybody fell asleep, but when the bus driver drove, to drop them home, everybody prayed.”

An engineer died and was sent to hell by mistake.
Life in hell was very uncomfortable, so the engineer decided to install air conditioning, lifts, flush toilets and host of other modern conveniences.

One day God rang up Satan to ask how things were in hell.

“Great,” replied Satan. “Our engineer has done wonders and made all kinds of improvement down here.”

“What are you doing with an engineer down there !” God thundered. “That engineer must be sent to heaven immediately or I’ll sue.”

“Oh really?” inquired Satan, “And just were are you going to find a lawyer in heaven?”

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor.
The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled backthe sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. “Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,”The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Four guys, from Harvard, Yale, MIT and SANTA SINGH from Punjab
University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common
Question was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light

HARVARD Guy : It’s the Thought; b’cos thought is so fast it comes instantly in
Your mind.

MIT guy : Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

SANTA SINGH : Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER : (Shocked to hear Santa’s reply, asked) “WHY”?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the
Worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON
THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

1- Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

2- I love your smile, your face, and your eyes –
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

3- Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

4- I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your sister

5- Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you’re not

6- I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face

7- I see your face when I am dreaming
That’s why I always wake up screaming

8- Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space

9- I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy

10-My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

11-Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it’s true, I’d prefer you inside out.

12-My love you take my breath away
what have you stepped in to smell this way

1- Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

2- I love your smile, your face, and your eyes –
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

3- Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

4- I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your sister

5- Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you’re not

6- I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don’t take that paper bag off of your face

7- I see your face when I am dreaming
That’s why I always wake up screaming

8- Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space

9- I saw your face as you walked by
but then I saw a better guy

10-My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

11-Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,
If it’s true, I’d prefer you inside out.

12-My love you take my breath away
what have you stepped in to smell this way

One fine day Ekta Kapoor conquered the air waves. Thus followed the downfall of Indian television. Well, downfall not for the profit makers and lot of the junta- the rising TRPs were evidence … but for a sensible television watcher, it was a catastrophe!
Now television is a money making factory churning out serials from the same plot instead of the media of mass communication that it was intended to be… very much like current newspapers, where Page 3 is the most read and the front page headlines include stories about celebrity affairs leaving space for important issues only in a small corner inside. And no one is to be blamed for this other than us – ’cause they make what we demand. They ape the west, which we follow religiously. They make run of the mill soap operas, we cry ’cause Mihir died. They portray women clad in jeans and tops or visibly small pieces of cloth as witches, while the ones in sarees as devi’s the stores start selling them. They copy songs; we download the ring tones on our mobile devices. They dance to our tunes and we dance to theirs. Fair enough! If the young ones around you are mouthing the dialogues rendered by ‘Tulsi’ in “Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi” aired last evening or are worrying as to why Prerna was crying in “Kasautii Zindagii Kay”; do not be surprised. This is now common, thanks to the avid afternoon type serial watching that mothers indulge in, where the young children are unwilling at first but very soon turn avid watchers themselves. Revelations by Dr Ravinder Kala, a psychologist, could serve as eye-openers. Dr Kala says, “ These serials depict abnormal human and family relations. When children watch these serials their internal anxiety level increases and they start feeling insecure. It is difficult for a child to express his insecurity so it starts manifesting in the form of fear or aggressive behavior.” She further said, “ About 70% children complain that they find difficulty in concentrating on one thing. Again, the problem stems from too much television viewing as the exposure to complicated relationships keep on haunting them and they find difficulty in concentration. In extreme cases, if the father or the mother comes late, the child starts feeling that the parent is having an affair.” The psychologist suggests that it is best to spend afternoons with children by indulging in creative activities such as teaching them embroidery, stitching or painting, playing indoor games, or giving them small tasks like cleaning of rooms etc. But if mothers cannot switch off the television, they could at least try to stay away from the ‘saas-bahu’ serials for the sake of their children. Channels like National Geographic and Discovery are better options. If not even this, then one could simply make children sleep.
However, there is a positive aspect to this craziness’. The saas-bahu serials from India have led to a craze for saris in Muslim countries like Pakistan. The obsession with Indian saris has become so big in Pakistan that women there have named the saris after the characters of the popular serials. Thus you have Kumkum saris, Ramola, Tulsi and Parvati saris and anyone visiting India is told to get them. Till a few years back, there were not many takers for saris in Pakistan but suddenly you see women all around wearing saris, even at parties and social gatherings. Besides this, the India Benarsi saris too are always in demand in Pakistan. They are given in weddings and as gifts and people are willing to pay any price for them.
There are many arguments against these serials. Saas Bahu serials should be banned immediately in the interest of the Nation – to save national wastage of energy.
Based on average electricity consumption / per serial.
A serial of ½ an hour Average consumption of electricity by a CTV of 80 watt in ½ an hour = .04 Unit
Total consumption / month 1.2 Unit
Total consumption / year 14.4 units
Running of a serial since last about 5/6 years 86.4 units
If viewed in 20% houses in India 86.4 unit x 50,00,000 houses
Total units of electricity consumed in India only to view a single “SAAS BAHU” serial 4320,00,000 units.
Star had realized that some of its viewers were drifting away as they did not like this saas-bahu nonsense. So, Star India launched its new channel, Star One, towards the end of October ‘04 and the profile of the channel could be described as almost “Star World in Hindi. This was what The CEO of star India ltd. had to say when asked what sort of programming would be seen on Star One, Nair, without divulging the exact nature of programming, said, “In a nutshell it (the proposed channel) could be described as Star World in Hindi. Most of the programming would be of that type.”
When asked how different will Star One be? ‘‘Star Plus reached a certain level but in terms of content and target audience, we felt there was a gap.’’ This gap was in the appeal of Star Plus or Star Utsav to a younger, urbane, ‘‘contemporary Hindi-English speaking’’ generation in the 25-35 age group that buys cars, goes on time sharing holidays, etc. Perhaps also the one who would rather watch Jassi than Tulsi, or else MTV? ‘‘We needed programming to resonate with them,’’ he adds
But giving into lack of revenues that star one faced due to lack of viwership. Star One soon gave in to the popular ekta kapoor mode, star one turned bhenji with serials like “Kya hoga nimmo ka”, “Resham Dankh” “India Calling” which initially started off as a non-bhenji show bombed , so it was turned into one.
Other channels like Sony and Zee have followed suit and are churning out such serials day in and day out.
Now, the need of the hour is another “Quit India Movement” aimed at the removal of this menace of society or as the phsycatriatics say it will lead to retardation of mentality of it’s viewers as they would deal with every problem in life as if everybody else is wrong and they are the only one’s with a brain.
A few pointers for my actor friends acting in these bhenji serials. If you want to act in these serials the terms and conditions for these serials are: rule no. 1. You have to marry at least 3 times.
2. You have to keep at least 4 extra-marital affairs.
3. You might be grandpa in this serial, but u should be ready to act as a grandson anytime in future.
4. You have to manage the repeated clothes from other actors in other serials from time to time.
5. You should at least be able to finish 30 glycerin bottles in a month.
6. Talking of your inner self in these serials is the most.
Please change this trend we have got bored of all these things as saas- bahu serials sometimes ruin the people’s mind, try to create more laughter serials, as it is best medicine for life and creates and spread enjoyment, happiness and peace.