Saurabh Raj

The soldier serving overseas and far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following:

“Regret can not remember which one is you…
please keep your photo and return the others.”

A Sardar walks into the Citibank’s Bangkok branch and goes to the manager and asks for a 20,000 Baht loan for three weeks.

The manager, “What kind of collateral do you have,Sir?”

Sardar, “I’ve got a Rolls Royce – keep it until the money is paid back – here are the keys.”

The manager promptly has the car driven to the underground parking lot for safe keeping, and hands the Sardar 20,000 Baht.

Three weeks later the Sardar returns and pays back 20,000 baht plus an interest of 80 Baht and regains possession of the Rolls Royce.

The manager, “Sir, if I may ask, why would a man who drives a Rolls Royce need to borrow 20,000 Baht?”

Sardar, “I had to go to Amritsar, India for three weeks, and where else could I park my Rolls Royce for three weeks at 80 Baht.”

Santa : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Banta : Yes it’s really strange. I’ ve got another pair of the same at home.

A man and his wife were driving through the country on his way from Phuket to Bangkok. Looking at the fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gas station to fill it up. About 15 minutes later he spotted an Esso gas station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

“What can I do?” asks the attendant.

“Fill her up with high test,” replies the driver.

While the attendant is filling up the tank, he’s looking the car up and down.

“What kind of car is this?” he asks, “I’ve never seen one like it before.”

“Well,” responded the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, “this, my boy, is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille.”

“What all has it got?” asks the attendant.

“Well,” says the driver, “it has everything, its loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirror, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, an 8.8 liter V 12 engine.”

“Wow,” says the attendant, “that’s really a beauty!”

“How much do I owe you for the gasoline?” asks the driver.

“That will be Baht 1543,” says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a 1000, a 500, two 20’s. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed with the change are a few golf tees.

“What are these wooden things?” asks the attendant.

“That’s what I put my balls on when I drive,” says the driver.

“Wow!!” says the attendant, “those Cadillac people think of everything!!”

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

‘Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,’ answered the patient. ‘You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there – if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?’

The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, ‘Pay me in advance.’

A defence attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial: It went like this:

Laywer (L): “Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?”

Officer (O): “No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running a few blocks away.”

L: “Officer, who provided this description?”

O: “The officer who responded to the scene.”

L: “A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officer?”

O: “Yes sir, with my life.”

L: “WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer — do you have a locker room in the police station — a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?”

O: “Yes sir, we do.”

L: “And do you have a locker in that room?”

O: “Yes sir, I do.”

L: “And do you lock your locker?”

O: “Yes sir.”

L: “Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these officers?”

O: “You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defence attorney’s, like you, have been known to walk through that room.”

How do u CUT roads?????
By LAUGHING…..
Because “Haste Haste Cut jaye Raste”

Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes A well.
Luv falls into the well. Why???
Because Luv (love) is blind !!!!!

Now , Kush also jumps inside. Why??
Because Luv ke liye saala kush bhi karega!!!!

A beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???
So, Which Platform are you Working on ???

The South Indian said, I want to see the movie ‘heart is umbrella’. Which
movie did he really want to see?
Dil Chhata Hai…….

Mr. Hook walked into a bar and the bartender asked, “Hey, Mr. Hook, I haven’t seen you for a while, you look terrible, what happened?”

Hook: “What do you mean? I’m fine.”

Bartender: “What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

Hook: “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit by a cannon, but I’m fine now.”

Bartender: “Well, o.k, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?”

Hook: “We were in a battle, I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight, my hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really.”

Bartender: “What about that eye patch?”

Hook: “Oh! this, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over, I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.”

Bartender: “You’re kidding, you couldn’t loose and eye just for some bird shit.”

Hook: “Well, there you are, you’re right, I couldn’t have lost this eye just because of a bird shit, but you must understand that was my first day with the hook.”

God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.

When he returned, he told God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not.”

God thought for a moment and said, “Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion.” So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.

When the angel returned he went to God and said, “Yes, it’s true-the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good.”

God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going, do you know what that E-mail said?

No?

I didn’t get one either!!

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road.

He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.

The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, “Father, remember psalm 129?”

The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.

He forced himself to remove his hand.

However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.

Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, “Father, remember psalm 129?”

Once again the priest apologized, “Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance, and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a Bible and looked up psalm 129.

It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity.