Grasshopper and Ant – Old and new story !!!

An Old Story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Indian Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant’s a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving. NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant’s house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Mayawati states this as `injustice’ done on Minorities.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ‘Bengal Bandh’ in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the ‘Grasshopper Rath’.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ‘ Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act’ [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes ‘Special Reservation ‘ for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it’s home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ‘A Triumph of Justice’.
Lalu calls it ‘Socialistic Justice’.
CPM calls it the ‘Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden’
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later…
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,

…AND

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers,

India is still a developing country…!!!

 

Love-ology

Universal law:
“Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transferred from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money.”
First Law:
“A Boy in love with A Girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent (brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy.”
Second Law:
” The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance.”
Third Law:
“The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals.”

 

Bushism

 

An Israeli doctor says ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.’

A German doctor says ‘That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

The Russian doctor says ‘In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.’

An American Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says ‘You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.’

 

TURKEY

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a
bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the
bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he
could think of to do to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot
yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even
ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and
put him in the freezer. For a few minutes, the parrot squawked and
kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly, there was total quiet. Not a peep
was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John
quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out
onto John’s outstretched hand and said ‘I believe I may have offended
you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my
inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can
to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.’
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about
to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his
behavior, the bird continued, ‘May I ask, please, what the turkey
did?’

 

Junior

 

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. 

After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy’s phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.

Women!!

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure. 

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was.

The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said 

“The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try AgainLater”…

 

 

Buisess

A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math

at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic

school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the

house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and

dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is

okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy

keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the

son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.

Looking at it they see under math an A+. 

Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, “What changed your mind

about learning math?” 

 

The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I

walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the

back of the room behind the teacher’s desk and I knew they meant

business.”

 

Child’s play

My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy’s room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die – no amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy’s ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband’s hand, swallowed it, and demanded cheerfully, “Do it again, Dad!”

 

GOOD GOD

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally
behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent
the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it
is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought
for a moment and said, ‘Maybe I had better send down a second angel to
get another opinion.’
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, ‘Yes, it’s true.The
Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.’
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good,
because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something
to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn’t get one either.

 

***nuts!

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a
baseball game

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his
commands.

When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well.

As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, ‘Up Nuts’, and the
patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem, he yelled, ‘Down Nuts’, and they all sat back down
in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, ‘Cheer Nuts’.
They all broke out into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the
home team, the Doctor yelled, ‘Booooo Nuts’ and they allstarted
booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer
and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress.

Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, ‘What in the world
happened?’

The assistant replied, ‘Well everything was going fine until this guy
walked by and yelled,

‘PEANUTS!’

–

 

lions

Eight-year-old Benny’s father took him to the zoo one afternoon.

The boy asked his father all kinds of questions about the various
animals they visited.

They eventually came to the fenced-in preserve where they kept the
lions. The father was explaining how ferocious and strong the lions
were. Benny was hanging on every word.

“Daddy,” he asked, “If a lion ever jumped over that fence and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father said.

Benny added, “What bus should I take home?”