April 9, 2009
December 2, 2008
A man walks into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him.
She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asks, “Do I know you?”
The woman answers “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”
The man thinks for a minute, then realizes this kid she is talking
about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on
He says to the woman, “Are you that exotic dancer that was at my best
friend’s bachelor party about 5 years ago? You know, the one I did it
with on the pool table while everyone was watching?”
The woman looks at him horrified and says, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”
December 2, 2008
Two strangers, a man and a woman, meet in a cafe.
The man asks, “My Dear, would you go to bed with me for a million dollars?”
“A million dollars?” the woman inquired. “Well, yes, I guess I would.”
“OK,” the man said. “Would you go to bed with me for $100?”
The woman was aghast. “What kind of person do you think I am?” she exclaimed.
The man replied, “My Dear, we have already established that. We are
merely haggling over the price!”
December 2, 2008
Tyler and Katz, two judges, were each arrested on speeding charges.
When they arrived in court on the appointed day, no one was there. So
instead of wasting time waiting around, they decided to try each
Motioning Tyler to the stand, Katz said, “How do you plead?”
“Guilty,” replied Tyler.
“That’ll be fifty dollars and a warning from the court,” said Katz.
Katz stepped down and the two judges shook hands and changed places.
“How do you plead?” asked Tyler.
“Guilty,” replied Katz.
Tyler reflected for a moment.”These reckless driving cases are
becoming all too common of late,” he pointed out. “In fact, this is
the second such incident in the last quarter hour. That’ll be two
hundred dollars and ten days in jail!”
November 28, 2008
Albert Einstein was getting bored with making the same speech over and over again at different meetings, so one night, after a long day, his chauffeur jokingly said, “I’ve heard your speech so many times, I know it word for word! Why don’t you take the night off and let me deliver the talk this evening?” Einstein agreed.
When they arrived at the venue, Einstein put on the chauffeur’s uniform and hat, and sat at the back of the hall while the chauffeur took his place on the podium, effortlessly delivering the speech, then inviting the audience to ask questions.
He convincingly answered the first few, but then one pompous man stood up and asked a very difficult question on his theories of relativity.
The chauffeur was flummoxed, but calmly said, “Why, that question is so very easy, I will let my chauffeur answer it!”
November 27, 2008
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store’s opening time, in front of the store.
A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curse. On the man’s second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again.
As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line, “That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won’t open the store!”