October 2008


A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math

at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic

school. After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the

house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut. Mom and

dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is

okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework. The boy

keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the

son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.

Looking at it they see under math an A+. 

Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, “What changed your mind

about learning math?” 

 

The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I

walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the

back of the room behind the teacher’s desk and I knew they meant

business.”

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My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy’s room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die – no amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy’s ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband’s hand, swallowed it, and demanded cheerfully, “Do it again, Dad!”

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally
behavior that was going on. So he called one of His angels and sent
the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, ‘Yes, it
is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not. God thought
for a moment and said, ‘Maybe I had better send down a second angel to
get another opinion.’
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, ‘Yes, it’s true.The
Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good.’
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good,
because he wanted to encourage them, and give them a little something
to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?

Okay, I was just wondering, because I didn’t get one either.

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a
baseball game

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his
commands.

When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well.

As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, ‘Up Nuts’, and the
patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem, he yelled, ‘Down Nuts’, and they all sat back down
in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, ‘Cheer Nuts’.
They all broke out into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the
home team, the Doctor yelled, ‘Booooo Nuts’ and they allstarted
booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer
and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress.

Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, ‘What in the world
happened?’

The assistant replied, ‘Well everything was going fine until this guy
walked by and yelled,

‘PEANUTS!’

Eight-year-old Benny’s father took him to the zoo one afternoon.

The boy asked his father all kinds of questions about the various
animals they visited.

They eventually came to the fenced-in preserve where they kept the
lions. The father was explaining how ferocious and strong the lions
were. Benny was hanging on every word.

“Daddy,” he asked, “If a lion ever jumped over that fence and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father said.

Benny added, “What bus should I take home?”

It was the morning of Ralph’s birthday and there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” Bob asked.

“Telegram!” was the reply.

Enthusiastically, Ralph opened the door and asked the messenger boy,
“Is it a singing telegram?”

“No Sir. We don’t do singing telegrams,” the messenger replied.

“Oh, but I’ve always wanted to receive a singing telegram!” Ralph
said. “Couldn’t you just bend the rules a little and make an old man
happy?”

“I’m sorry, sir, it wouldn’t be appropriate,” replied the messenger.

“Please,” Ralph pleaded, “After all, today is my birthday.”

“OK, if you insist,” the messenger said. He unfolded the telegram and
began singing, “Dah-dah-dah, dah-dah-dah, your sister Rose is dead…”

Boss to Secretary –
For a week we will go abroad for a meeting.
Make arrangements.Secretary calls her husband – For a week my boss
and I are going abroad.You look after yourself.
Husband calls his secret lover – My wife is going
abroad, so let us spend the week together.

Secret lover calls small boy whom she takes
tution.I have work for a week,so u need not come for the class.

Small boy calls his Grandpa.Grandpa, no class for a week,
because teacher is busy. let us spend the week
together.

Grandpa (the boss) – calls his secretary – Meeting cancelled. I’m
spending this week end with my grandson.

Secretary calls her husband – Trip cancelled.
I’m coimg home.

Husband calls her secret lover – We can’t spend
this week together because my wife cancelled her trip.

Secret lover calls the little boy – This week you
will have the class as usual.

Boy calls Grandpa (boss) – Sorry grandpa (boss), my teacher said, I have
to attend
the class this week.

Grandpa (boss) – calls her secretary – don’t worry – we will attend that
meeting. so make arrangements

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